May 20, 2008 smss1e3t6
Hi! Good day:)
Here’s some short, funny, poems written for mothers we found from wikipedia. Funny or not, you decide:)
You have no fancy title like Baroness or Dame.
Mom you really are a star, my mother mentor and friend.
A Nobel Prize for motherhood is what I’d recommend.
And if I won the lottery I’d share my win with you
I’d take you Mom on a spending spree each day the whole year through!
You may not be famous, as your face is known to few.
But Mom I think you are wonderful and I’m so proud of you!
So many decades, where to start?
With energy, like that pink bunny,
You make us look lazy, that’s not funny!
Never-ending old school ways,
Filled with stories, to Amaze!
Listening has been lost with age,
You belong on theatre stage.
If you manage to forget,
We’ll remind you, don’t you fret.
Happy birthday young at heart,
Smile with joy, you old fart
Stay in the game, it’s not time to fold.
Wrinkles and grey hair, are just a new look,
Countless experiences, you should write in a book.
A birthday is seldom, a serious occasion,
Try not to take it, like the d-day invasion.
Laughter and jokes are within sight,
Stock up on both, all through the night.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-Minute Warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother…
[Five minutes later]
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
[Five minutes later]
“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a glass of water??”
“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”
[Five minutes later]
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?”
- 1. You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.2. You find yourself cutting your husbands’ sandwiches into cute shapes.3. You can’t bear to give away baby clothes – it’s so final.
4. You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, “NOT in your good clothes!”
5. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
6. You hire a sitter because you haven’t been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
7. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
8. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
9. Your kid throws up and you catch it.
10. Someone else’s kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
11. You use your own saliva to clean your child’s face.
12. You’ve mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
13. Your child insists that you read “Once Upon a Potty” out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.
14. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
15. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it’s the only one your child eats.
16. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won’t get that disease.
17. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor, and you don’t care.
18. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making Rice Krispie treats.
19. You no longer object to cold pizza for breakfast.
20. Your purse is crammed with emergency toys, candy and first aid supplies.
21. You can talk on the phone, pack a lunch & breast feed all once.
22. You wonder why it was you ever feared being alone.
23 You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
24. You can remove chewing gum from just about anything.
25. You say at least once a day, “I’m not cut out for this job”, but you know you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.”
My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
My mother taught me about STAMINA.
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
My mother taught me HUMOR.
My mother taught me GENETICS.
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE.
“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you… Don’t talk back to me!”
My Mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
MY Mother taught me PATIENCE.
“Sure, you can do that. As soon as you’re 21 and leave the house!”
My Mother taught me DIPLOMACY.
“I don’t want to hear who started it, It takes two to fight.”
My Mother taught me SHARING.
“Play nicely with that or I’ll just take it away from both of you.”
My Mother taught me ETIQUETTE.
“Use your fork! If I see that hand on the table again, I’ll slap it!”
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
My mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD.
“If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!”
But most of all, my mother taught me LOVE.
“You know that whatever you do or whatever happens, I’ll stand behind you because I love you.”
Had a laugh? Sure hope you did! We will be posting our mother’s day funny poem soon!
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